I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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