All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
