Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
