I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
