I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
