You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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