Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
