Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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