apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
