The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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