i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
And then he peed in my hair
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