i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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