This dress was meant to end up on your floor
you traded sex for a burrito?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
