You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
