Will you blow on my dice?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
