You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
