so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
She announced her abortion via fbk
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
