How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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