he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
