69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
