just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
