I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
