Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i came on her dog
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
