Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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