I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
