You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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