I think I won the penis lottery.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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