Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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