weddingsv make me drug and hornr
She said her name was "party"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
