my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
