I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just want to make out with him forever
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
