sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
