i already hear my dad disowning me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
