I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
