My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
