just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Randomize
