So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
