i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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