bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
