to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
