I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
