I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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