the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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