so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
