Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
