Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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