you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
