I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
