Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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