Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
