Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
