If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
