i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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