Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
