Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
