You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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